Here are a few stupid Christian Bumper Stickers...followed by my commentary
1) It’s hard to stumble when you’re on your knees. (Yes, but its easy to clean the toilets)
2) Make your eternal reservations now – ’smoking’ or ‘non-smoking’? (Don't worry about Jesus...just whether or not you smoke)
3) As sure as God puts his children in the furnace, He will be in the furnace with them. (For someone who doesn't know the story of the 3 Hebrew children...God seems like the witch from Hansel and Gretel.
4) God allows “U Turns"! (but NO DOUBLE PARKING!)
5) In the sentence of life, the Devil may be a comma but DO NOT LET him be the PERIOD! (Yes, men and women alike hate the period!)
6) Walmart isn’t the only saving place! (That's right, don't forget BigLots)
7) But St. Peter– what about my civil rights? (Is this reality or the premise for a sitcom?)
8) WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning! (MAY prevent burning?)
9) Plenty of folks give the Lord credit– few give Him cash! (Well, thats because I get 2% cashback on my card)
10) Good old knee-ology is as good as some theology.(Ya, who dun needs that edjumucation? I just git me some religin and boy howdy, I'm set!!)
11) God made round faces; man makes ‘em long. (OH SNAPS! Take that John Kerry)
12) For all you do, His blood’s for you! (There is nothing more special than relating Jesus' blood to a beer slogan)
13) Be ye fishers of men. You catch them – He will clean them. (God will skin and gut us?)
14) Jesus is returning…resistance is futile (God is the Borg?)
15) My boss is a Jewish carpenter. (Well, mine is a grey-haired American...)
16) Y2K= Yield to the King. (Wow...what was everyone so worried about?)
17) Jesus is my ROCK ‘N I’m on His ROLL. (I have a HIP, and Jesus makes me HOP. I live in the COUNTRY, on the WESTERN side of town. Jesus gives me RYTHYM and I sing the BLUES))
18) Want to avoid burning? Use “Son” block. (Ooooooooh, SPF 777?)
19) Who lit the fuse for the ‘Big Bang’? (I did...SURPRISE!!)
20) You don’t have to dial STAR345 to talk to Jesus. (Jesus carries a cell?)
21) Fear knocked. Faith answered. No one was there. (Fear left a note. It said, "Hi, I came By But there was No Answer. Faith read the note and felt bad. Fear got in his car and drove through White Castle. Faith went back to watching Fear Factor.)
22) The prodigal son was having a bad ‘heir’ day! (Maybe we should read how the story ends???)
23) Remember the banana– when it left the bunch it got skinned. (MY GOD IN HEAVEN!!)
24) May your teenage head banger meet The Ageless Heart Knocker! (No teenager can hear "Knocker" without giggling.)
Ya, these are dumb.
10.07.2005
Vaccine.
Listening to the news, it seems DoomsDay is on the way with this Bird Flu that is coming. But, we've heard it all before - just 5 years ago. The entire world was obsessed with Y2K. BUT...the difference here isn't a matter of reprogramming, its a matter of a vaccine.
Will we be ready. Will we have the vaccine ready for mass distribution in time to save the earth's inhabitants? Who knows? What I do know is that in life there is a vaccine that is driving me NUTS and is doing more to hurt the host than to help it.
Essentially, what a vaccine does is give the host just enough of itself to fight off a larger, more substantial version. OK...the vaccine I am talking about that is driving me nuts is touch-and-go Christianity. Here are a few examples:
1) This Car is 'Prayer Conditioned'!
2) Suffering Truth Decay? Brush up on your Bible!
3) If God is your Co-pilot, then swap seats!
4) "Don't Make Me Come Down There" - God
5) Try Jesus, If You Don't Like Him, the Devil Will Take You Back.
These are found on the bumpers of cars or the stupid church signs that are out in public for anyone to see. Do you see how cheesy these are? I will break them down, one by one:
1) This Car is 'Prayer Conditioned'!
-----Oh how clever. So it's a play on the words "Air Conditioned." How is this stupid saying supposed to elicit anything but the groaning sound you hear after a BAD joke? Not only is this downgrading the true importance of a prayer-filled life, but it doesn't explain itself to anyone who truly needs direction. Why can't we just have bumper stickers that say something like, "Jesus is not fake. He is real and has a plan for your life." Or, "Jesus isn't a republican. He isn't a democrat. He is fair, kind, and waiting to know you." Or, "Jesus died to bring you life." Or, "I believe in Jesus. And HE believes in YOU."
2) Suffering Truth Decay? Brush up on your Bible!
-----Is this seriously supposed to do ANY good?????? After reading this freaking stupid bumper sticker, I'm sure a hurting person is going to think, "Wow, I do have truth decay, perhaps I'll open the Bible." TRUTH DECAY??????????? COME ON!!!!!!! This truth is the message of Jesus. HE is that blessed hope. THAT truth is Jesus. And bumper stickers like this flippantly throw out that hope without giving ANY KIND OF SUBSTANCE!
3) If God is your Co-pilot, then swap seats!
-----First of all. If you swap seats, God will still be the Co-Pilot. Thats the idea of a CO-PILOT. Like a "CO-worker." Or to work in "cooperation." Originally, this bumper sticker's roots are in its precursor, "God is My Co-Pilot." Regardless, both bumper stickers are flawed. WHY?------> BECAUSE GOD IS NOT EQUAL WITH ME. I DO NOT CALL THE SHOTS ALONG WITH HIM. He is my superior. He is my leader. He DRIVES THE CAR...I am simply pushing the pedals.
4) "Don't Make Me Come Down There" - God
-----OK...this one just makes me violently angry. Why?------> Because it negates the gospel of Jesus. "Don't make me come down there"?????? - HE DID COME DOWN HERE!!! HE TOOK HUMAN FORM AND SUFFERED WITH US, HURT WITH US, AND DIED AND ROSE AGAIN WITH US. That is why this man is called Emmanuel meaning "GOD WITH US." This flippant phrase waters down the message, waters down the reverance, and waters down the beauty of Jesus Christ.
5) Try Jesus, If You Don't Like Him, the Devil Will Take You Back.
-----5 words that make my blood boil: IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM. WHAT????????? What kind of message is this sending the hurting people of this world? This bumper sticker treats Jesus like a late-night infomercial product: "For a limited time only, you, yes you can own the savior of the world. He slices, He dices, and He only costs $19.95. And the best part is, IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM, the Devil will take you back!"
This public display of hilljack Christian slogans are a vaccine to this world. The hurting people of earth are getting just enough watered-down, cheesy Christianity to build up an immunity to it.
WHAT ARE WE DOING ????
Will we be ready. Will we have the vaccine ready for mass distribution in time to save the earth's inhabitants? Who knows? What I do know is that in life there is a vaccine that is driving me NUTS and is doing more to hurt the host than to help it.
Essentially, what a vaccine does is give the host just enough of itself to fight off a larger, more substantial version. OK...the vaccine I am talking about that is driving me nuts is touch-and-go Christianity. Here are a few examples:
1) This Car is 'Prayer Conditioned'!
2) Suffering Truth Decay? Brush up on your Bible!
3) If God is your Co-pilot, then swap seats!
4) "Don't Make Me Come Down There" - God
5) Try Jesus, If You Don't Like Him, the Devil Will Take You Back.
These are found on the bumpers of cars or the stupid church signs that are out in public for anyone to see. Do you see how cheesy these are? I will break them down, one by one:
1) This Car is 'Prayer Conditioned'!
-----Oh how clever. So it's a play on the words "Air Conditioned." How is this stupid saying supposed to elicit anything but the groaning sound you hear after a BAD joke? Not only is this downgrading the true importance of a prayer-filled life, but it doesn't explain itself to anyone who truly needs direction. Why can't we just have bumper stickers that say something like, "Jesus is not fake. He is real and has a plan for your life." Or, "Jesus isn't a republican. He isn't a democrat. He is fair, kind, and waiting to know you." Or, "Jesus died to bring you life." Or, "I believe in Jesus. And HE believes in YOU."
2) Suffering Truth Decay? Brush up on your Bible!
-----Is this seriously supposed to do ANY good?????? After reading this freaking stupid bumper sticker, I'm sure a hurting person is going to think, "Wow, I do have truth decay, perhaps I'll open the Bible." TRUTH DECAY??????????? COME ON!!!!!!! This truth is the message of Jesus. HE is that blessed hope. THAT truth is Jesus. And bumper stickers like this flippantly throw out that hope without giving ANY KIND OF SUBSTANCE!
3) If God is your Co-pilot, then swap seats!
-----First of all. If you swap seats, God will still be the Co-Pilot. Thats the idea of a CO-PILOT. Like a "CO-worker." Or to work in "cooperation." Originally, this bumper sticker's roots are in its precursor, "God is My Co-Pilot." Regardless, both bumper stickers are flawed. WHY?------> BECAUSE GOD IS NOT EQUAL WITH ME. I DO NOT CALL THE SHOTS ALONG WITH HIM. He is my superior. He is my leader. He DRIVES THE CAR...I am simply pushing the pedals.
4) "Don't Make Me Come Down There" - God
-----OK...this one just makes me violently angry. Why?------> Because it negates the gospel of Jesus. "Don't make me come down there"?????? - HE DID COME DOWN HERE!!! HE TOOK HUMAN FORM AND SUFFERED WITH US, HURT WITH US, AND DIED AND ROSE AGAIN WITH US. That is why this man is called Emmanuel meaning "GOD WITH US." This flippant phrase waters down the message, waters down the reverance, and waters down the beauty of Jesus Christ.
5) Try Jesus, If You Don't Like Him, the Devil Will Take You Back.
-----5 words that make my blood boil: IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM. WHAT????????? What kind of message is this sending the hurting people of this world? This bumper sticker treats Jesus like a late-night infomercial product: "For a limited time only, you, yes you can own the savior of the world. He slices, He dices, and He only costs $19.95. And the best part is, IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM, the Devil will take you back!"
This public display of hilljack Christian slogans are a vaccine to this world. The hurting people of earth are getting just enough watered-down, cheesy Christianity to build up an immunity to it.
WHAT ARE WE DOING ????
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