genuine.

I want to be like Jesus. I want to. But can I? How am I supposed to know what being a true believer really means in America? The older I get, the more I wonder if tradition has taken the place of truth. We make such a big deal out of going to church and wearing a suit and tie and singing a few songs before we gorge ourselves at the buffet downtown. But, then when it comes to the nitty-gritty ugly parts of Christianity, we all fall so short. There is such an importance placed on "appearing" like a Christian. Christian t-shirts, Christian bumper stickers, Christian magazine, Christian channels, Christian bookstores, Christian day care, Christian amusement parks, Christian coffee houses, Christian music. If there is so much CHRISTIAN in America, then why are there so many hurting people? Should America be free from sadness, free from poverty, free from sickness, and free from depression...that is if we are a nation of "Christians?"

Does Jesus honestly care about what I wear to church. Does He honestly care if I listen to secular music? Does Jesus really care if I drink alcohol? Or is He more concerned with the way I care about the hurting? Or does He care more about the way I help the poor and the widow. Isn't He more concerned with the way I control my tongue when I want to gossip about someone? I wonder how many of the "rules" that Christians have are from the Lord and how many are simply from tradition. It's as if we place so much importance on trivial things and no where near enough on Biblical guidelines.

So how am I supposed to know how to live like Jesus? I certainly can't get my wisdom from the television. If I watch religious TV, I'll see an elderly woman dressing like a prostitute. If I watch religious TV, I'll hear an emphasis on giving money and how that will in turn make the Lord give you more money. If I watch religious TV I'll see people distorting the Gospel. But, sadly, what I will NOT see on religious TV is how to come to know Jesus. I will NOT hear anything about coping with the loss of a loved one, or dealing with my unbelief, or caring about third-world children with AIDS, or being kind to the guy who treats you like crap, or trusting Jesus when everything in the world makes you want to give up.

Where do I turn? I think I turn to the Bible, but sometimes its hard to read. Sometimes its hard to understand. Sometimes its boring (why does the Lord want me to read Leviticus?). I WANT to love Jesus. I WANT to follow Him. I WANT to tell other people about His plan. I WANT to die to myself everyday...but how do I do it genuinely?